Kat's dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. Together with her mum, Kat cared for him through the last stage of his life. She shares her story here.
Dad wasn't well, and I spent a few precious months just making him happy. We talked, shared memories. There were no regrets. But looking back, I wish we'd known more — more opportunities for the grandkids to visit, more time together before things got harder.
Then suddenly, everything moved quickly. There wasn't time to prepare. Simple things caught us completely off guard. We didn't know there were products to help manage incontinence. Nobody told us. We didn't understand what it meant when curative treatment was no longer an option. The hospital didn't refer us to palliative care — we just assumed it would happen automatically.
Thankfully, Mum was proactive. She'd quietly prepare us for what was coming — getting prescriptions "just in case," gently helping us get ready. Over the course of a week, Dad declined more quickly than we'd expected. In a strange way, that was a gift. It gave us time to adjust. When the end came, I wasn't scared. I understood.
Despite all our differences, my family came together. My eldest sister brought humour. My other sister was my rock. My brother was just there — a constant, steady presence. For those final two days, we surrounded Dad with love. We took turns sitting with him, sharing stories, simply being there. It was peaceful. It felt right. He wasn't alone, and he wasn't in pain.
I wouldn't trade that experience. It's a comfort to know I did everything I could.
My advice? Have someone to talk to. Someone who can guide you when you don't know what to do next. Most of us aren't equipped to care for someone through the last stage of life anymore. We've lost the ability to care for each other the way families once did.
Violet is here to help with that.