In this article Kate Carnell AO, Violet Chair shares her experience caring for her elderly parents - and why she believes in starting this conversation sooner than you think.
Most of us find it hard to talk about the last stage of life. That is completely understandable. These conversations touch on the people we love most, and a future none of us can fully predict.
But here is what we know: we often do too little, too late. People tend to wait until a loved one is very unwell - or until a crisis arrives - and then wish they had started sooner.
There is no perfect moment. There is just the one you choose.
Sometimes, a particular event makes it easier to begin. A natural opening for the conversation:
Around the time of a 75-year-old health check
After a health scare or a new diagnosis
When you can see signs of change or increasing frailty
At Violet, we encourage you to start gently - and to come back to these conversations whenever things change, because they will. Your thoughts and wishes may shift over time too, and that is completely fine.
Every family is different. There is no single right way to do this. What matters is that the people you love know what matters to you - and that you have somewhere to begin. That is where Violet can help. Whether you are planning ahead for yourself or supporting someone you love, Violet provides guidance on future care planning, including the last 12–18 months of life, when having a plan makes the biggest difference for everyone.
With a plan in place, this time can become something meaningful. A chance to honour who someone truly is, and to cherish the moments you have together.
Start early. Start gently. Violet is here to help.